" ? otaku blogs # "

Liz
Saturday, January 25, 2003 10:13 PM

Lovely, young black dove.
All I could every wish for.
So far out of reach.

For the love of everything sane!

Please visit my site. I don't have anything there yet but I need at least 10 hits per week.
*gets on her knees and bows*

http://www.hostultra.com/~EtherLull/

Yume
Friday, January 24, 2003 09:34 a.m.
This morning I woke up from a dream.

Chrissy, Sarah, Courtney, and Ten were standing near me. Anna was standing the closest. They were behind me. But, I was holding Liz close. We were all in 18th century clothes. Italian or French, I think. Everyone except me were in clothes of a higher class. My clothes weren't as beautiful.

In front of me was a set of stairs. They were broad and directly in front of me five feet or so the steps were large, where you would have to pull yourself up each step. In front and to the left and the right ten feet away were normal steps. It was overcast and threatening to rain. I could not see far in front of me but I could see behind me well. I chose to focus on what was in front of me, and what was closer too.

A man, a foot or so taller than I am climbed the normal stairs. He had blonde hair that came down to his chin. It wasn't neatly trimmed but he was very handsome. He approched us at a normal pace and I let go of Liz, holding on to her hand and it sliped from my hand as I apporched the man quickly. But I never truly remeber fully letting go of her. I some how took the man down, put him on his back. He was a vampire. I held him down by his throat but not enough to strangle him. Only to threaten him. There were other vampires, mostly male, climbing the larger steps. None of them were as well dressed as the vampire I held down. (Come to think of it, I don't think I was fully human myself. But I know I wasn't quite vampire.) I pushed and kicked them away. I know that they would keep coming but they had ceased persisting and I saw no more than the one I had pinned. I let go of his throat and kissed him. He did not return and he did not reject. I kept kissing him tenderly, parting his lips and trying to have him return my kiss. He wasn't.

Then I woke up.


I know what this dream means. I care very much for the friends I named. These are some of my best friends. The closer the friend physicaly in the dream, the closer I feel to them. Liz, I love Liz, and my feelings for her still lingers like the grasp in the dream. The vampires I pushed away are people who want me. But, as you can tell, I don't want them. The handsome vampire is someone I know who went to a diffrent school. Pinning him was like me thinking I have him in my grasp, I might be able to have a chance with him. Him not returning the kiss is proof that I can't have his love. All nonviolent physical contact was real love. The vampirism is sex people want from me. The clothes represent my idea of the beauty each person has.


Ah, whatever. It was just a dream.

Thursdoo
Thursday, January 23, 2003 10:27 a.m.
Two new "group" projects assigned in English today. Not looking forward to the Oedipus essay. Blah. That's due the 31st. Then I have a "mini" art report. It's going to be done on Salvador Dali. That's due February 24. I think that one will be a little more enjoyable.

As for today? Well, I have to work on art for scholarships. Then a few Geometry problems to finish before 7th period. After that I have to catch Mr. Littlefield before he goes to swim in the pool so I can ask him if "we" can form a chapter of the National Art Honors Society and if I can join. If he agrees, then we have to send in at least $50 to join before the 31st. And each member has to contribute $3 on top of that. Hell, I hope he lets me join. He doesn't like my art, so he may be biased and then that would mean I would have to bitch to his boss and that's all just more work for me. After that I need to schedual a meeting with Dr. Budzik to see if she agrees with me to set up a chapter and exsplain to her that it would make me open to more scholarships. Then I'm gonna stay after and contribute my art to Webcrew since we have this "Blue" theme comming up. I made alot of art. And I think some of it is fantastic. Anyways, I'll also be staying after to work on art for my scholarships. After that I catch the bus home, work on homework, and go to bed.

Pretty busy day for me. But I'm sure this won't be the busiest I'll be. Ah, whatever.

Bull shit!

Jamie, That was no joke. Who you tryin' to kid? You're just trying to cover your tracks. You can't handle it when people don't back you up/attack you. But you can dish it out. And easily too. Snake.

Libra

I could care less about what you say about me, Jamie & James. I don't respect either of you so your opinion doesn't matter. I could get nasty and their are a ton of things I'd love to snap at you about but that would be sinking to your level. And I think it would be selfish to defend myself anyways.

You attack my friends for no reason though, then, then I'll get nasty. Especialy if it's unprovoked like your attack on me was. Just a fair warning.

Scotch tape cookies

Anna is here with me. We're having fun. Soon we're gonna listen to Aqua and do what we feel like. I already baked cookies. #^_^#
Fun times. Hee hee hee.


Which LOTR Actor Is Your Ideal Husband?
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Sweat
Thursday, January 16, 2003 07:07 p.m.
Ooooo! I've never had a song that wants me to strip and dance more than this song wants me too. (*coughs* but I won't because that would be frowned upon by many people) It's so fuckin' cool though! Lords of Acid "She and Mr. Jones"

Finals over. Impending doom lurking closer. Oh well. I gotta not worry about it now. I can't do anything more now. Gotta relax, for once. Not think about anything stressful. Sooner or later I'm gonna go hang halfway off the couch armrest with my hands dangling on the floor as I watch tv upside down before I scamper off draw for Ten and Liz.

Fuku Man!
Tuesday, January 14, 2003 06:16 p.m.
I missed meeting with Eileen 'cause mom had other plans! Pooprod.

I got to Andre's house. We didn't get to go to Horsefeathers but we got to talk and she lent me her "Voodoo-U" CD by Lords of Acid. It's shibby.

I had worked on an online Paint BBS board. The picture was done. It was fantastic. It was frozen. I had to shut down the computer and I lost all or my hour+ long work. Blah. Oh well. Figures.

Don't read the title
Monday, January 13, 2003 11:32 a.m. Woo hoo. Gonna rant. Gonna bitch. Gonna angst. Cause I'm a teen and I'm stupid.

I wanna be out of college, have a job I want, get enough to live off of and pay my bills, want to have positive social interactions with people. Cause I'm a dumbass teen who's parents are too overprotective. I can't drive when it's dark out because the boogie men might get me. I get treated like a child but am exspected to act like an adult. Classmates think I'm a fucking wierdo because I don't commit to one style, don't act the way they think is "right", and most of my drawings I think aren't taboo.

No. No. Wait. I must be good. I must be understanding. I will grow up and get my education and job in time. I'm gonna make money and live fine on my own. I will have the time to see my friends and they will make time for me. Or I'll get new ones. I will always be the target for my parents worries and concerns. They will nag and boss, only trying to help me. I will drive at night eventally. I will be looked at inferior to many people through out my life.

Either I will be too young and know nothing or be too cocky. I will break into cars and drink myself stupid. I will disrespect everyone older than me.
I will be middle aged and not understand how young people think. I will rule over them with an iron fist and make their life a living hell. I'll have no respect for elders because I think they're senile. I will put them in homes and never visit them on hollidays.
I will be old and gibbering on like a fool. No one will take me seriously and will think I'm too old fashoned. Everything I do and say will be out of date and there for, am not worth listening to.

I may continue to draw taboo things and be forced underground. Or I will supress my creativity and mold into the punch clock, 9 to 5 world. Oh well.

Feeling craptastic as you can tell. But. Do not lecure me for being angry/pissy/sad/depressed. My parents do that sometimes and my brothers, 'specaily Nick, do that all the time. I need to...

1. comforted
2. Have things go as normal around me
3. Be left alone

The third one works really well for those who get irritated too, don't want to "bend over backwards" for me, or are totaly unsure how to carry out the first two.

On a lighter note, Chrissy and Anna may spend the night at my house on Friday. And I need to get together with Sarah G. and Courtney soon. Hopefully I'll get the chance to see Liz, ten, and all their friends.

Mochi mochi
Sunday, January 12, 2003 08:07 p.m.
1. My mom: Is confusing, frustrating, and supportive.

2. My dad: holds grudges, a bit racist, and has quite a temper.

3. Privacy: My parents don't normaly open doors without knocking. My mom goes through some of my stuff when "I'm not cleaning my room often enough" she'll throw out stuff without asking me. I don't know if my dad goes through my things.

4. Control: My parents want to know everything if I go out. Just short of what color the sky is. My dad is worse than my mom at this. My parents let me order what I want from a restraunt. My mom will sometimes tell me I can't drive only because it's dark out or its dusk. Fear of the statistics of teen crashes.

5. Arguments: I hate them. Having them, hearing them, anything related to them. I normaly cry after or during one if it involves me. I'm such a pussy.

6. Clean/dirty: I don't mind cleaning. Sometimes I like it. I don't have to have it spick 'n span. Just neat. So you know that the panties are in the drawer and not on the floor and the bed. I use to ask Anna and Chrissy if I could/could help clean their rooms. They'd be uncomfrotable about it. Or guilty or something. I'm not "Ew! Ew! Ew! Unclean!" I just wanted to help, you know, be nice. I'm use to their messes now but if they gave me the signal, I'd fold clothes, wash socks, and put all the coins in a big jar. Hee hee hee.

7. Opinion of physical appeance: I normaly think that I'm not bad looking at all. Sometimes I think I'm a little too soft. Sometimes I think I'm lush, downright sexy. Although not everyone would agree. To them, I say "Screw you! I'm not dating you and I'm never going to fuck you so why do you think I care about your opinion?" I love my big butt, my lips, and my legs. I hate my hair.

8. Arcade games: I like DDR, I love pinball.

9. Clothes: They reflect my mood! If I feel like creeping people out for shits and giggles or I'm depressed/pissy/lonely = Goth.
Really depressed or lazy = Baggy and/or tattered clothes.
Happy-go-lucky = grungy punk/punk.
Flirty = almost anything with a lowcut neck.
Blah blah blah blah.

10. Sleeping: I hate sleeping in late. I don't like waking up at 10 or so in the morning. I don't force myself to wake up early if I don't have to though. I can wake up from 6 to 9 normaly.

11. Showers: I like it the way I like sex. I take long showers/baths, 20 to 45 mins. I don't mind being quick though.

More to come!

Just bored
Blah blah blah. I have Good Charlotte's "Little Things", DJ Aligator Project's "The Whistle Song (Blow My Whistle Bitch)", Chumbawamba's "Tubthumping" in my head. It's an odd mix. I hear one part of one song, then another part of the other, and so on. It's like the songs are havin' sex in mah head. X_x

My brother Nick is a nark and my brother Ben is lazy and denies it. I'm bitchy. Or I think I am... *shrugs* We all have our quirks.

You may not pass Go. You may not collect $200.

Quote of "Your Mistress" (Yes, I know thats you CS.)
"Good for you Stephie! Be that rare hentai with standards! It definatly makes you more desirable over all!"

Well, to who? Okay, so I'm not running around, getting STDs. I'm not sleeping with people that would shatter a glass mirror. I'm not fucking hilbillies or people who think that a flaming bag of dogshit on someone's front steps is a good time.

The people I want don't really know me or don't like me like that. The people that want me are the people that I don't respect, don't like that way, or tend to frequently freak me out.

I wonder what I'm going to do. Advice would be nice. ^_^;

*butsu butsu*
Friday, January 10, 2003 09:13 a.m.
I want to listen to "Young Boys" by Lords or Acid.

Anyway, I have my senior seminar project done. Thank Farf. I got a 75 for the presentation. Poop. I hope I don't flunk the class.

Also, I was working on bulding a relationship with a guy. He reads and has odd hobbies that I find intersting. But, I don't find him too inteligent. I guess I felt I had to get a lover because my friends felt I needed one and frequently encouraged me. I've stopped trying to get with him though. And there's at least 2 guys in my 8th period class that flirt with me and more than those two would jump at the chance to get in my pants. I don't want to get in a relationship with someone I don't respect. Well, not romanticly or even sexually. Jeez, this is difficult. I may be hentai but I'm not going to go to bed with just anyone.

T_____T Hoi~~~~~~. I want a girlfriend. It's so hard to find bi or lesbian girls.


Which of Chibi's favorite tv shows are you?
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~Jizz. The breakfast of sluts.~

1. What time is it: 7:29 pm in my living room
2. Name as it appears on your birth certificate: Stephanie Ann Jansen
3. Nickname(s) : Steph, Stephy, Stephers, Teffie, Jardeen, Lois...
4. Parent's name: Cindy and Bill
5. Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake: 17?
6. Date that you regularly blow them out: Feb 13
7. Pets: Pepper [black and white spotted] & Ashes [Dark gray/blackish, if you shave her you can see she's really a tabby XD]
8. Hair Color: Brown? Blonde? Strawberry blonde? I dunno anymore. I think it's light brown.
9. Piercing: holes are healed. I have 3. In my ears.
10. Eye color: Slate.
11. How much do you love your job? I'm a student - let's think about that.
12. Hometown: Beach Park.
13. Current residence: My parent's house.
14. Favorite Food: I dun't have one.
15. Been to Africa? No. Not intersted. Wanna go to Japan. T____T
16. Been toilet papering? Noppers.
17. Loved somebody so much it made you cry? Nope.
18. Been in a car accident? Nope.
19. Croutons or bacon bits? Ugh. Neither.
20. Sprite or 7UP? Root boogle.
21. Favorite Movie? Highschool Whores. Wait, no, I've never seen that. I dunno then.
22. Favorite Holiday? The holiday I take to go to ACen.
23. Favorite day(s) of the week? Late Friday afternoon
24. Favorite word or phrase: Babe. I love calling my friends that. I also call them doll or sweetheart. Or bitch.
25. Most often said word: Kuso.
26. Favorite Toothpaste: Who the fuck made up this question. Alligator people...
27. Favorite Restaurant: Brat Stop.
28. Favorite Flowers: Daisies. They don't smell good though. ^_^;;;
29. Favorite Drink: *shrugs*
30. Favorite sport to watch: Hockey.
31. Preferred type of ice cream: Anything with chocolate?
32. Favorite Sesame Street Character: NOT ELMO!
33. Disney or Warner Bros.? Hanna-Barbera
34. Favorite Fast Food Restaurant? Wendy's
35. When was your last hospital stay? I dunno. Too long ago to remeber.
36. What color is your bedroom carpet? Tan.
37. How many times did you fail your drivers test? Zero. XD
38. Who was the last person you got an e-mail from? Sarah
39. Do you sing in the shower? Hai. But I also wash myself too.
40. Which single store would you choose to max out your credit card? Mitsuwa.
41. What do you do most often when you get bored? Listen to music, draw, play video games/watch stuff, go online, see if I can do things with friends...
42. Name the person that you are friends with who lives the farthest away: Liz?
43. Bedtime: When I want. AKA before 12. Normally.
44. Who will respond to this e-mail the quickest? This isn't an e-mail...
45. Who is the person you sent this e-mail to that is least likely to respond? Respond? This isn't e-mail. XP
46. Favorite TV show: [Non-anime] Ed, Edd, and Eddie.
47. Last person you went out to dinner with: Proably mom and/or dad.
48. Ford or Chevy? Chevy.
49. Mary Ann or Ginger: XP Neither.
50. Favorite Hobby: Drawing cartoons.
51. Favorite Book: I have alot.
52. Favorite Song: I have "flavors of the month".
53. Favorite Color: Teal.
54. Favorite Evening: New Year's.
55. Favorite Season: Summer.
56: Favorite Garment: My black button up t-shirt.
57. Favorite Snack: *shrugs*
58: Favorite Past-time: My friends know this one. X3
59. Favorite Sound: Music. Japanese. French.
60. Time when you finished this: 8:12 pm. .

~Fetus on a stick~


Today's Sundoodle. Crap. I thought it was Saturday. Crap Crap Crap Crap.

Going to JoAnn Fabrics with Mumsy. Gonna finaly be able to make those InuYasha ears for my friend's cosplay. ^_____^ [Which is so fricking cool that my friends look to me for costume sewing. X3 ]

Today's gonna get a little boring. Oh well. At least it won't consist of pain caused by being tied up by half a dozen 6 year olds who deside to use me as a kickboxing bag.

[Un]Greatful [that he's] Dead
Saturday, January 4, 2003 05:14 p.m.
My "Aunt" Marcy [AKA family friend], well, her brother killed himself a few days ago and left his wife and their 2[or 3?] kids to fend for themselves. Not cool. Not at all. I have to go to the wake tonight. Yippie.

~Take it like a man!~

Wahoo! Talk about cool shit! I now own "10 MB" of space on my "mom's" comp. Nick told me that if I use her selected portion (which is 40 MB or so), that she'll kick my ass. I want to clean my space when mom gets home so she can tell me what to delete and what to move to her space. And we got a new scanner! This is great! I'm so fuckin' happy! Weee!

There is negative points though. The AOL IM and the Yahoo IM don't work anymore. I deleted the Yahoo IM. I'm planning on getting that up soon again. Plus, I just learned yesterday that our webcam is compatable with Yahoo IM. So I haven't even had a chance to use it yet. And I might never if Nick doesn't set up the program correctly. T_T

What's even more of a pain in my ass is that Nick is the household Techie. He does most of the computer related work when it comes to adding a hard drive or making sure the scanner runs, ectera, ectera. He knows how hyped I am about this and is making sure to use his exspertise to bully me. Kinda like a big kid keeping a ball out of a little kid's reach for shits and giggles. Asshole, abusing his power.

And Dad has the nerve to tell me I should know how to do this stuff. He asks me "Why don't you know how to add a USB port to a computer?" or something like that. What the fuck? Do you know how to add shading to a drawing using the layers tool, paint, and smudge on Adobe Photoshop 9.0? Do you really care or are willing to learn? No? Then leave me alone! Let me fish out the extra cash if I want to. It's confusing and I have no desire or passion to learn how to do that crap. I can load and unload programs. I can use art programs with advanced skill. Even Microsoft Paint. I know how to basicaly scan and print pictures/documents. I know how to empty the recycling bin and upload/download almost anything from the internet. I think my skills are damn suffice enough to get me through life. If not, tell me. AND tell me how to fix that problem/s.

~Medication advice~

Josh: Viagra
Anna: Xenical
Sarah G.: Clozaril
Chrissy: Halcion
Liz: Desyrel
Courtney: Valproate

I could go on but I'm not a freakin' doctor. Just go to your local pharmasist and ask for something.

~I see Janet Reno! *runs away screaming*~
I didn't feel like writing, spilling my guts now because all I'd be spouting off about is how much I miss my friends and how I wanna get laid. No biggie. Same stupid crap like always. So I take tests. And lots of 'em. So the hell with you if you wanted to see me whine and bitch.

First I kept getting Brad. Like, over 6 times. Not that I wouldn't mind fucking Bradly, though. But what it said about Brad disturbed me just a little bit. And I thought, maybe I shouldn't base it off my exsperiances and just answer it the way I want to. I got Yotan.

Why are you wasting your time here? You could be having sex with . . .